Growing up, I never stayed in one place for too long. My parents divorced when I was young, and I went to 4 different elementary schools, two different middle schools, and three different high schools while traveling between their houses. Each time I walked into a new school, I changed my personality, my looks, and myself; all in an attempt to “fit in” with the other kids. Having moved so much meant I had to always make new friends. Always making new friends also meant always losing old friends. I never kept in touch with any of them. I was forced into building a wall around myself and learned how to disassociate myself. However, I believe, in conjunction with other lessons learned, this aspect of my life has taught me how to be self-sufficient. I do not rely on anyone to get something I need done. I take pride in being able to do things myself. But I don’t believe this is my ideal self, this is just what I have conditioned myself to be.
My ideal, real self is someone who is confident. Coming from a background of bullies, I have never gained my self-confidence. I was always too afraid to speak up, never liked the way I looked, and never had a lot of friends. In my ideal self, I would like to instill this confidence. Working in the restaurant business, I have gained an outgoing personality, but only when required. Generally, I sit back and observe my surroundings instead of partake in the conversation. I would like to walk down the street with my head held high and not be worried about what everyone else is thinking about me. I want to be confident in what I have done. I always criticize my work, regardless of the outcome. I always feel like it’s never “good enough”. My ideal self will be more than “good enough”.
I want to be more optimistic. Not that I’m currently a pessimist, but I always try to think about the worst case scenario. This theory allows me to prepare for the worst, and anything better is a blessing. I suppose in certain cases this could be considered normal, but I want to have a positive outlook on things. I want to be able to hope that things will go smoothly instead of bracing for the crash. A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
I currently live in a suburban apartment complex surrounded by the chaos called life. I struggle to balance my time between work, school, my boyfriend, and family. It can be very stressful at times, but I manage. I sometimes feel like I can't do it and want to give up but I remember my determination and find the strength to continue. Earning my degree will open many doors in my life. Having this determination affects how I look at my ideal self. Earning a degree and having the ability to provide a high quality life for my future family keeps me going.
My dream home is located in a rural area, a place where it's quiet and peaceful. A place where you can't hear the hum of traffic or the screeching police sirens. I want to live in a place where I can forget about the stresses of my day and this is where I will begin to incorporate my ideal self. Thoreau says it doesn’t matter where you live, opportunity is everywhere. I agree to that to some extent. I feel that if you aren’t happy where you currently live that unhappiness reflects on everything in your life. Once you find a place that you are happy to call home, the other aspects of life will begin to reflect that happiness.
My professional dream is to be a Middle School teacher, and with no desire to teach just one subject, I will be focusing my schoolwork to obtain several concentrations in Math, English, History, and Music. I want to have the confidence and the patience to take on this mighty task. I’ve been told teaching middle school will not be easy but I want to be the teacher those kids actually learn something from. Aside from the mandatory lessons followed by the SOL’s, I want to teach these kids how to be confident and optimistic. I also want to teach them how to count back change, but that’s another lesson plan. Without being these things myself, how will I be able to teach children to be this way?
In “Self Reliance”, Emerson explains how we need to follow our own ideas and instincts and avoid conformity. I want my ideal self to avoid conformity and follow my own ideas. I want to be able to interpret things from a different point of view without fear of ridicule. I don’t want to do things just because everyone else is doing it. I want to use my own logic and reason to determine my thoughts and actions. My ideal self will use logic and reason to interpret life.
I am at my best when I am focused and determined. Where there’s a will, there’s a way! One of my best attributes is my determination. If something needs to be done, I get it done. My grandmother always told me to never rely on a man for anything; be independent. So far, I have followed her words and it has paid off. One day when I have children, I want to pass that same self determination to my children. I want them to learn to never give up.
I will struggle to become my ideal self but with my determination, I know it can be achieved. How, I’m not sure. I think that who I want to be in life and what I strive for will help for who I want I want to be in my ideal life. My current path will only be determined if I look to my inner self for guidance.
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